clivemurray.com

What the flying FUCK?

Jesus Fucking Christ. Hang on, I must have read that wrong. Let me look again.

No, I was right. There are actually learned (pronounced “lern-ed”, by the way – two distinct syllables)  people out there who recommend “that the spelling of English needs simplifying so children’s literacy can improve.”

Example phrase: If u hav a por memmory yor chances of becumming a good speller ar lo.

Fuck. That. Noise.

If that’s what you think, move to the USA* and get down with “thru” and “donut”. I’ll stay here and speak English.

–c.
* Apologies to any USAnian readers out there – I’m not anti-American at all, I’m just a bit anti-”American English”.

And fuck you, and fuck you, and fuck you, and fuck all you fuckers again.

Stop the motherfucking world I wish to disembark.

–c.

“A segment of animated footage promoting the 2012 Olympics has been removed from the organisers’ website after fears it could trigger epileptic seizures.”

So says the BBC news site.

Are they sure this is people having actual seizures, or could it just be people seeing the logo and reacting in the proper way, i.e. to throw your arms in front of your face and spit and curse until it goes away? I could see how the two could be confused.

(via Warren Ellis)
–c.

That’s the third most common reaction I’ve heard to the new London 2012 Olympics logo. The second most common has been “What the fuck is that?”, while the commonest reaction has been simply to reach for the nearest heavy object and smash the monitor (in case of emergency) to avoid seeing the fucking atrocity any longer than is necessary.

Don’t think for one moment that I’m alone in slating it.

I mean, quite literally, What The Fuck happened there? What? Why? In the name of all that’s holy, how did that ever even get off the whiteboard and out of the brainstorm? Why wasn’t it laughed off the face of the fucking industry the moment it ever took form?

Holy double fuck, that is just so awful. And it cost the taxpayers £400,000, allegedly. Great.

FUCKING GOOD WORK ALL ROUND. HAVE A DAY OFF.

–c.

HA HA HA HA HA.

Now, please fuck off and die you grasping whore.
–c.

Bernard Manning.

Seriously, you are not funny. At all.

The fact you still have a job is utterly amazing to me, but I can find some good even in that – the demographic to which you still appeal will all soon be dead. Then we – that is those of us who realise that the world has changed and that bigoted racism, sexism, mysogyny, and out-and-out namecalling isn’t comedy – can pretend you never existed.

FUCK OFF.

–c.

Heather Mills McCartney.

SHAME ON YOU. You utter, grasping, no mark, faux celebrity, gold-digging SYPH-WHORE.

FUCK OFF.

–c.

…I forgot to mention.

Dear Americans (and others, but in this case I’m specifically talking to you, you bunch of xenophobic knuckledragging COCKWIPES),

If you’re a Scientologist, you are also a FUCKING MORON.

Thank you.
–c, awaiting extradition.