clivemurray.com

Look, I know. I know, I know, I know.

I’ve done the menial jobs myself – I’ve been a barman, a factory worker, an ice-cream van driver, a fast-food technician, and a retail assistant. I know these are boring jobs.

But if you have a job to do, bally well do it or give it to someone else. I am sick to the back fucking teeth of people not bothering to quite do the job that is asked of them, and it seems to be a systemic problem at the moment. I shan’t even go into the level of utter shitness that my fiancée has encountered recently in the land of ebay – suffice to say that the concept of “doing what is expected of you”, or even in some cases “doing what you have promised to do”, appears to be a dying blasted notion.

In the U.S. of States, good customer service is not just the norm, it is the absolute minimum. Customers simply will not tolerate anything less, and they will vote in herds with their feet and wallets. Grunting monosyllabically as you push my produce across the counter and gazing over my shoulder as you hold out your paw to receive my payment is NOT BLOODY GOOD ENOUGH. Lying about receiving emails from a buyer and sending the purchased item late and slightly damaged is NOT BLOODY GOOD ENOUGH. Answering a support call to a call centre as if it’s a personal affront on your spare time is NOT BLOODY GOOD ENOUGH. Oh, and acting all wounded and hurt when your shitness is pointed out and your name is taken is also not bloody good enough, since you ask.

Shape the fuck up, Britain.
–c.

Jesus crispy half-baked jumping Christ and all the burning orphans. I’m about this close: —-><—- to shoving TwitterDopplrUpJaikuComing right up Pownce’s FaceYouBookTubeSpaceHole, turning the whole fucking Jabberwocky off and going outside for a few years’ fresh air.

Is there an off switch to online?
–c.

BBC Radio 1 has decided to censor the word “faggot” from the Chrimbo classic “Fairytale of New York”, by The Pogues & Kirsty MacColl, due to it presumably possibly offending some narrow-minded imbeciles (of no specified sexual orientation).

Cheerfully Radio 2 will be playing the full uncensored version.

As the article points out, several humans with brains (both straight and gay) have derided the ban as ludicrous, but ‘veteran gay rights activist Peter Tatchell’ quoth

It is shameful that BBC Radio 2 and other radio and TV stations are continuing to play the full version with the word faggot included. It shows that they don’t take homophobic language as seriously as racist language.

Another line which has been censored is where Shane dubs Kirsty “an old slut on junk”. What? Why? Is it offensive to sluts? Or junkies? Or is it simply the fact of “Ooooh you can’t say nasty things at Christmas!”

The song is about two people having a screaming row at Christmas time and using offensive language to each other. If this is a problem, then simply don’t play the song – and while you’re on, why not distribute free Soma* to us all at the same time! A gramme is better than a damn, after all!

–c.
* If this means nothing to you, please mentally substitute Prozac. Similar thing.
PS. If Radio 1 would like to play an alternative version of the song, it’s possible they might find an (unauthorised) instrumental version of it somewhere…

OK, this is one of the promo/poster images used for the (allegedly excellent) “Ocean’s 13″.

Something about that poster irks me immeasurably. Have another look and see if you can figure out what it is.

…

Got it? Well the title of this post is a clue, actually. It’s the dice in the top left corner. Someone has mentally tied together in their head the casino/gambling motif of the films with the titular numeral 13 and thought “Hey, thirteen is a one and a three – I can show that on the poster by using dice showing a 1 and a 3 on the faces. That would be cool.”

NO, YOU FUCKWIT. A 1 and a 3 on two dice makes FOUR. It always has and always will. You can’t just bend a convention like that purely because it fits the name of your film.

Twat.
–c.

Just FUCK OFF.

“They’ve called me a whore, a gold digger, a fantasist, a liar, … eighteen months of abuse [and] 4,400 abusive articles,”

quoth Hopalong Moneybags.

Yeah. Dragging a national icon through a lengthy public divorce process and not stopping until you’ve got enough money to buy a medium-sized country will do that.

Is the £50 million not enough? Now you want fucking SYMPATHY? You want us to actually go “Oh poor Heather, she’s had it tough, you know.”

“Mills, whose divorce from the ex-Beatle is going through the courts, called on the public to stop buying newspapers.”

Of course. Naturally. Stop buying newspapers. Yup. Not fucking nuts or anything, then.

JUST.
FUCK.
OFF.

–c.

Dear Ms Mills,

PLEASE FUCK OFF AND DIE.

Yours sincerely,
–c.

Dear Netvibes,

I am a long-time hitherto satisfied user of your DHTML/Ajaxian dynamic homepage product. I enjoy it’s customisability, the ease of adding new feeds, the tabbed navigation and of course the core functionality of pulling all my RSS feeds and services into one place for me to read and manage.

However, two things have come to my attention in the last couple of weeks.

1. There are now a number of other competing services out there, and
2. Yours is starting to FUCKING BREAK.

When I open one of my feed boxes and read all the new stories in there, I would like them to stay marked as read, thanks. Also, please to be remembering when I have closed the feed boxes so that next time I return, they aren’t randomly sprung open again.

If I don’t notice any improvement in the next week or two, you can shove your homepage and I’ll go look at Google’s offering, or perhaps just install PC Safari.

Savvy?
–c.

WORD.

Thank you, Marcus. Thank you for bothering to put into words exactly how I feel about everything concerning religion. I’m a busy man and I don’t have time to be as reasoned as eloquent as you.

Go on, watch it. All of it.

–c.
(via Jonah)

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Now playing: Cooper, Alice – Wind-Up Toy
via FoxyTunes