clivemurray.com

From the time when I first heard of it, I loved the idea of the Das Keyboard. In fact, I see now that they have a few different models, but in the day they just did the one, and it matches the “Model S Ultimate” model that they do now, in that all the keys were blank. This seemed like such a cool idea that myself and my programming buddies were reaching for our credit cards, until we saw the price – something in the region of 80 quid for a normal keyboard, which they haven’t bothered to label up. I’m sure it’s a very nice keyboard, and all that, but it really felt like being ripped off for a gimmick. I note now that the price is $129, which Teh Google tells me is £80, so they haven’t gone down any in the last 5 years.

Anyway, today I noticed a really cool thing on The Awesomer – The Blank Wall Clock. A wall clock that has no numbers on it, but a writeable surface and it comes with a dry-wipe pen. Price? $155, or £97.

Fuck that right off, and come back when it’s £40. I might think about buying one then.

–c.

• 09/11/2008 – Notice that the Guns N’ Roses album “Chinese Democracy” is available to preorder on play.com ahead of its 24/11/2008 release date. Place order.
• 20/11/2008 – Receive email from play.com saying it’s been posted.
• 24/11/2008 – Start watching the post at work in anticipation.
• 28/11/2008 – Start getting pissed off that it hasn’t turned up.
• 01/12/2008 – Look up orders on play.com, discover that while orders usually take “between 3-5 working days” to arrive, you have to wait 21 days before they will do anything about a missing item.
• 07/12/2008 – Get seriously pissed off with the whole thing, order replacement from Amazon.
• 07/12/2008 (later) – receive shipping email from Amazon.
• 09/12/2008 – STILL FUCKING WAITING.

Jesus Christ. This reminds me why I usually shun online delivery services in December. I know if I was to have words with either service in question, or the postal service, I would be told “We are experiencing an unusually high volume of post at this time.” Yes. It’s December, hence Christmas. It happens at the same time every fucking year. You might want to think ahead.

Benders.
–c.

No, really. Aside from the fact that I just cannot understand why it’s such a problem, can we move on from the Brand/Ross thing?

Jesus Crispy Deep-Fried Fucking Christ. GET OVER IT.

–c.

Booking the most needed holiday of your life in Crete after working yourself almost into the ground for two months: £620

Adding on transfers so you can take it easy between the airport and the resort: £50

Travel insurance (which has some significant exclusions): £20

Finding out, in the middle of packing your bags, 5 hours before the flight that the tour operator has gone into administration and your holiday is cancelled with no hope of reprieve: Speechless.

I’ve been down lately, due to my lack of a band. Little Monkeys/Crashstars has finally collapsed properly – the last gasp re-union Beach Concert was obviously not to be, and I’m fucking done with it now. The one thing I’ll say about that – and this is a direct appeal to Jon E. Crash himself – is that we still have a half finished amazing sounding album, and one day we need to finish that. Not this year or next, fair enough, but it must be done one day. That is all.

And the covers band has stalled before it even left the rehearsal room due to lack of being bothered from another quarter, and meh. Whatever. And I am getting fucking sick of this fucking attitude across the board.

So. What am I going to do about it? Bitch and moan? Nothing? Call everyone fuckers and complain about my lot?

Fuck that noise. I am going to take the positives from all this and do something new. Something on my fucking own, that no-one can fuck up for me.

The one positive thing that came out of the JackBarrel covers attempt was that I discovered I can sing lead vocals. Not amazingly, and I’m totally inexperienced at it, but I can do it. So I hereby announce that my next recording project is going to be an album or EP of original vocal rock songs written, played and sung by me.

It will be called “If You Want It Done Right” (or similar) because ultimately I have come to realise that this is the only way anything will get done: I have to fucking do it myself.

So. Bollocks to everyone else (Jon, you’re mainly excused from that as the recent collapses weren’t your fault), I’m going solo. It will probably be under my glam stagename Tommi Starr, and it certainly won’t see light of day until at the very earliest middle of next year, but there it is.

So what do you think about that?
–TS

As always, the Daily Mash brings us the straight dope:

OIL company executives were last night heading to undisclosed locations amid speculation that consumers were about to make the link between high petrol prices and corporate profits.

I expect they worked really hard to get where they are though. You know, good on ‘em.

…

No, wait… AAARGH. FETCH ME MY NAILED CLUB.

–c.

This is why guns should be illegal, you fucking MORONS.

–c.

Look, I know. I know, I know, I know.

I’ve done the menial jobs myself – I’ve been a barman, a factory worker, an ice-cream van driver, a fast-food technician, and a retail assistant. I know these are boring jobs.

But if you have a job to do, bally well do it or give it to someone else. I am sick to the back fucking teeth of people not bothering to quite do the job that is asked of them, and it seems to be a systemic problem at the moment. I shan’t even go into the level of utter shitness that my fiancée has encountered recently in the land of ebay – suffice to say that the concept of “doing what is expected of you”, or even in some cases “doing what you have promised to do”, appears to be a dying blasted notion.

In the U.S. of States, good customer service is not just the norm, it is the absolute minimum. Customers simply will not tolerate anything less, and they will vote in herds with their feet and wallets. Grunting monosyllabically as you push my produce across the counter and gazing over my shoulder as you hold out your paw to receive my payment is NOT BLOODY GOOD ENOUGH. Lying about receiving emails from a buyer and sending the purchased item late and slightly damaged is NOT BLOODY GOOD ENOUGH. Answering a support call to a call centre as if it’s a personal affront on your spare time is NOT BLOODY GOOD ENOUGH. Oh, and acting all wounded and hurt when your shitness is pointed out and your name is taken is also not bloody good enough, since you ask.

Shape the fuck up, Britain.
–c.