I expect many people found it to be unwatchable dross, but I loved every second of it. It’s the only film I can think of in the last few years* that made me want to see if I could hide under my seat and stay in the cinema to watch it again immediately. Honestly. And the only film that’s every engendered that response in me before was when I first saw the original Matrix film, though that was on VHS in my bedroom, so in that instance I simply rewound it (remember rewinding?) and watched it again.

Wanted is brilliant fun. But if you want something that makes sense or teaches you something or gives you some deep insight into life, it’s not the one for you.

–c.
* Dark Knight included. Yes, it was great. But it didn’t make me go “Holy shit let’s watch that again!”

Indeed, the third episode of series 3 – designated in circles who know of such as 3×03 or s03e03 – was, for me, a serious shark-jumping moment. While it was gratifying as a Stephen Fry fan to see him laughing it up in nightclubs and having a gay old time of it, it simply did not sit well with the character of Jeeves himself.

Of course, I suppose I shall have to take this up with Wodehouse himself, once I reach the clearing at the end of the path.

Oh, and the other thing… the actress playing Madelaine Bassett is as wet as a haddock’s swimming costume, to borrow a phrase. I know the character is supposed to be wet, but neither of the portrayals in series 1 and 2 made one wish to physically get out of one’s chair and slap some sense into the television set.

Dash it all.
–c.

Something about that poster irks me immeasurably. Have another look and see if you can figure out what it is.

…

Got it? Well the title of this post is a clue, actually. It’s the dice in the top left corner. Someone has mentally tied together in their head the casino/gambling motif of the films with the titular numeral 13 and thought “Hey, thirteen is a one and a three – I can show that on the poster by using dice showing a 1 and a 3 on the faces. That would be cool.”

NO, YOU FUCKWIT. A 1 and a 3 on two dice makes FOUR. It always has and always will. You can’t just bend a convention like that purely because it fits the name of your film.

Twat.
–c.

Awesome?

–awesome.

–c.

Enjoyment was helped my being in an almost empty cinema, too. There was one family on the other side from us, and that was it. Total attendance: 7 or 8. Bliss.

And there was an intermission! An intermission, no less! I haven’t been to a film with an intermission since I was about 10. Unfortunately there was no ice-cream woman down at the front, but it was still a welcome chance to nip off to the loo.

So yeah, the film was bloody enjoyable. I shan’t give any spoilers or even anything constituting a review – there are plenty of people out there who can do that better than I. I’ll just say that if you enjoyed the first two installments, you’ll very likely love the third.

Fuck the ninja.
–c.

Peep Show is good, that’s what’s good. I borrowed a couple of my mate’s DVDs of it, and watched series 1, and it’s really really good.

Now you know what’s good.
–c.

So the other day I was watching “Silent Hill” on DVD, and thoroughly enjoying it. Then an actress came along who I knew I recognised, but could not for the life of me place where from. This continued to bug me throughout the film, so when it ended I looked her up in the credits. Turned out I didn’t know the name, so I figured I must have just seen her in something else, but still it irritated me that I couldn’t remember what.

Then on Monday night I was watching TV with Saffron, and we happened to watch an episode of the Amanda Redman/Dennis Waterman[1] series “New Tricks” and damn it if the same thing didn’t happen again. There was this actress who I knew I’d seen in something before, but couldn’t place where. Again it bugged me to the end of the show, but this time I didn’t even remember to look up her name.

Fast forward to lunchtime today when I remembered both these events, and realised that I had an intarweb to hand. Within 30 seconds I had the first one nailed – the actress from Silent Hill was Alice Krige, and I had previously seen her in “Star Trek: First Contact” in which she played the Borg Queen. Easy.

The second one proved harder to nail, but I eventually discovered that the part of Hannah in New Tricks, series 2, episode 5, was played by Georgina Rylance, who I had previously seen in “Poirot – The Mystery of the Blue Train“.

The internet’s a wonderful thing, isn’t it?
–c.
[1] Yes, he does sing the theme tune.

I would further like to add that if anyone – ANYONE – spoils the ending for me before next week’s repeat on BBC4, I will set fire to you, so fucking help me.

Thank you for your attention in this matter.

–c.

No, really. Shit.

In fact, that’s probably being unkind to the very concept of excrement. The world needs shit. If we didn’t shit, we’d die, and if animals didn’t shit then farmers would have nothing to spray all over passers-by in the Summer months.

I think there’s the germ of a good film in there, but by $deity it isn’t the film that got made. Aside from the obviously Kabbalah- and ego-addled incoherent plot that opened up more streams than it ever thought about closing, it’s a good fucking hour too long. Just when you think “Ok, that’s quite enough now, I’ve given you the benefit of the doubt this far,” there’s still far too long to go.

Jesus. I just noticed that IMDB lists the running time as 115 minutes. I would have sworn it was at least 160.

Fuck my old boots, what a turkey. I just wish I’d read this Guardian review beforehand. I don’t like turkey, and I could have avoided it.

–c.