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A while ago I decided that the Jet Set Willy theme tune would make a cool iPhone ringtone.

This weekend I made it. Download it if you like.

–c.

I have an iPhone.

Firstly, let’s get the obvious crap out of the way:

• I like my iPhone
• I know that other smartphones do various things the iPhone doesn’t
• I don’t care if your Blackberry, Android, or whatever has better camera/speed/apps/whatever than the iPhone
• I don’t evangelise my choice of phone to other people, please afford me the same courtesy
• No, really

OK? Still here? Then let us continue.

I’ve had my iPhone 3G (8GB) for just over 17 months now, and my contract is an 18-month one, so O2 have been urging me to upgrade to the shiny new iPhone 3GS, which is something I want to do*, so I popped into the local O2 store to talk turkey, and more relevantly, money – specifically focussing on contract lengths and handset costs.

I got my iPhone on an 18 month contract at £35/mo, and the handset cost me £99 at the time. Total money handed to O2: £729. Not inconsiderable, n’est ce pas? Now, if I was just any old Joe off the street wanting an iPhone 3GS (16GB, for that is the smallest size of the new model), and wanted to keep the monthly cost down around £40, these would be my options:

• 18 months @ £35/mo, handset cost £149. Total: £779
• 18 months @ £40/mo, handset cost £89. Total: £809

Those are basically the two plans I would be interested in. They both come with the standard O2 unlimited mobile data, unlimited texts, and enough minutes for me not to have to worry about it (the £30/mo plan only has 100mins whereas these two have 300 and 600 respectively).

OK, so either of those sound about doable. But! Hey, those prices are for any old bloke who wants a new iPhone – what about me? I’ve been a loyal customer for the last 17 months, never missed a payment, never caused O2 any trouble except for the minor inconvenience of having to count the money I hand over to them on a monthly basis. Surely they’ll waive the handset fee? Surely. I’d even go to the £40/mo plan, which would mean I’m still worth £720 to them over the next 18 months – it’s not like I’m asking for the moon here. I’m asking for an £89 handset charge to be knocked off in recognition of the fact that I’ve already handed over £700+ without so much as a quibble.

Nope. Not a bit of it. They don’t want to know. It’s full bloody price, or don’t bother. Been with us a year-and-a-half have you sir? Well that’s nice, but it doesn’t count for squat. Excuse me sir, there are clamouring hordes of customers behind you all queuing up to pay full price. Don’t let the door hit you on the arse on the way out.**

Screw them. Orange’s prices are almost identical, and they have far better data coverage***.

O2 – you are the weakest link. Goodbye.

–c.

* Please, honestly, leave it. Any comments along the lines of “You should get an HTC! They piss all over the iPhone you stupid fanboy!” will be left here for all to see just how boring you really are.
** No, of course he didn’t actually say that, but that was the inference.
*** Yes they cap 3G usage, but 750MB/mo is included and I’ve never been anywhere near that.

Yeah I know, I keep crapping on about it. But it’s great!

Anyway, a mate in NZ popped up on twitter the other day saying that my Rockia ringtone (which is me playing the Nokia “Grand Valse” tune on my guitar) had taken his office by storm. Excellent, thought I. Wonder if there’s an easy way to make an iPhone version?

Turns out there is, so I did. And in addition to that I made a few new ones. Here they are, feel free to download any of them and use freely!

• Rockia
• Education – some Pink Floyd
• Freak – the main riff from “Le Freak”, by Chic
• Gadget – Inspector Gadget theme!
• Lonesome – a blues riff, should work when looped
• Phantom – an Iron Maiden riff, famous in the 80s for being the Lucozade song
• Snooker – from the track “Drag Racer”, used for many years as the music for the snooker on UK telly
• Spy chord – in G (for guitarists out there it’s spelled X-10-9-8-7-0)
• Stairway – you should be able to guess what this is
• Twice – the intro riff to my song “Twice As Bright”

And as a special bonus, and because it’s my favourite, here is Mr. Stephen Fry excerpted from his podgram entitled “Compliance Defiance”:

• Fuckoff – “Tell them to FUCK OFF”

If that one doesn’t raise a smile, I don’t know what will. Just don’t let it go off in church.

–c.

One of my favourite things about the iPhone is that you keep discovering little extra things about the interface as you go along. It’s not things you wish you’d known and berate Apple for not pointing out before, it’s little extras, little things that are like the icing on lots of tiny gorgeous fairy cakes.

Just now I discovered, entirely by accident (I was cleaning the glass while listening to Phill & Phil’s podcast), that while the phone is locked and you’re listening to audio, you can double-press the main button to access the ipod controls – volume, next, previous, pause – without unlocking the main phone.

It’s just a nice little tweak, and it’s stuff like that which keeps me in love with the thing.
–c.

Testing photoblogging from the jeebus phone. Here’s a hungry cat.

–c.

Do you know, this is a test post that I’m tapping out on my iPhone.

You do now!
–c.

It is time

Originally uploaded by Clive Murray.

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