clivemurray.com

have been greatly exaggerated.

Firstly, thanks to everyone who has sent messages wishing well. I am OK, and alive, and I thank my boss and true great friend Mathias for getting me to hospital and generally looking after me.

As for what happened, I shall explain briefly. I have been under quite a lot of stress at work recently, and this has been leading to my old panic/anxiety problems resurfacing. I went to the doctor this Tuesday morning, and was prescribed beta-blockers (propranolol, to be precise) to help me manage the anxiety. All seemed well, and I felt much better. Then this Thursday I was out of work at a conference, and enjoying it mightily. There were problems back at the office though, and this resulted in myself and a colleague having to leave the conference and go back to work. Through one thing and another I got very stressed and angry about various things during this time, but in the end managed (I thought) to fix the problems.

I later discovered that this was not the case, and resolved to look into fixing these when I got home. In the meantime we had rejoined our other conference-going fellows for the wind-down afterparty, which was pretty dull, so we went for dinner. We had a few bottles of wine between a few people - nothing outrageous, I certainly wasn’t drunk - and that’s the last thing I remember. The next was waking up in hospital with a very tired and concerned looking Mathias across from me, and suddenly being terrified as I had no idea how I’d got there.

After bidding goodbye to two of our party of four, I had apparently collapsed. Mathias told me later that this happened 5 times, but that he had managed to get me to the nearest A&E department on foot.

Anyway, we think it was a combination of the beta-blockers, the stress and the wine causing my blood pressure to plummet. Needless to say I spent yesterday recuperating on the sofa. God bless the Nintendo DS and Doctor Who.

I am OK now. Today I feel fine, and tomorrow I leave for a week’s camping holiday, which should help me to properly relax and get myself together. The greater question that needs to be thought about is if I react this badly to this much stress, was a career in advertising the smartest move? We will have to see about that. One thing is for sure - no job, regardless of how much I love it or excel at it, is worth compromising my health for.

I will have plenty of time over the next week to think about this. Mathias, I know you read this, don’t panic. You won’t be getting my resignation on Monday week. I just have to take time to think about the bigger picture, that’s all.

Thanks again everyone. Peace.
–c.