clivemurray.com

The list you’ve been waiting for all this time, broken down the way it should be.

–c.

Ah, you smokers. You make me laugh. Huddled round a Clipper lighter for warmth with a copy of the Mirror over your head, all bunched up outside the office corner with your victim mentality and your shield of carcinogens.

Here’s the truth: if you want to give up, you can, and will. It’s that simple. I did. Overnight, thanks. 8 years of 20-40 a day to zero, no weaning, no patches, no gum, no fucking inhalators.

Mind – I can hear you now. “Bloody sanctimonious ex-smokers, they’re the worst. Of course I want to give up, but I can’t.”

Bollocks. If you wanted to, you would. The fact of it is that you don’t want to. And here’s the best bit – if you’re one of the ones who actually has tried to give up, thinks that you’ve tried your best, really really “wants” to give up, but just can’t… then you are lying to yourself. And that is never a good thing.

You need to take a good hard look at why you smoke, and attempt to be honest with yourself about it. If you can manage that, you will probably either realise that deep down it’s because you just like it and enjoy it and hey, you’ll never get cancer because you’re special or it’s a long way off anyway – in which case admit to yourself that you do not want to quit – or you might find that you’re just doing it out of habit, which is the single lamest reason for doing anything.

Oh, and hey – if you’re not one of those people, then mother father kindly disregard this letter. People who don’t care a fuck about it I have no quibble with. Don’t get me wrong here, I have nothing against people who smoke. Honest. Now that you’re all barred from doing it in the pub, I don’t even have to go home stinking because of you. Puff away, dude. What I have a problem with is smokers who blow 30-100 quid a week on the things, and complain about it, saying they want to give up but can’t. Wrong. Deep down, you just don’t want to.

It’s them who make me laugh. Tell you what though – I’ll be laughing twice as hard come December.

–c.

Great article by Charlie Stross about thirty years of… um… progress?

–c.

What the flying FUCK?

Jesus Fucking Christ. Hang on, I must have read that wrong. Let me look again.

No, I was right. There are actually learned (pronounced “lern-ed”, by the way – two distinct syllables)  people out there who recommend “that the spelling of English needs simplifying so children’s literacy can improve.”

Example phrase: If u hav a por memmory yor chances of becumming a good speller ar lo.

Fuck. That. Noise.

If that’s what you think, move to the USA* and get down with “thru” and “donut”. I’ll stay here and speak English.

–c.
* Apologies to any USAnian readers out there – I’m not anti-American at all, I’m just a bit anti-”American English”.

LUNCH!

Originally uploaded by Clive Murray.

LUNCH!

Not in years, I did that in 2004.

In photos!

–c.

“Would you like summer #1 or summer #2?”

But seriously. What the fuck?

–c.

This is the coolest thing of any kind anywhere ever.

EVER.

No, srsly.

–c.