clivemurray.com

…is something you will hear me shout many times. Or at least you would, if you walked beside me everywhere I go.

Talking on the phone while driving appears, in parts of east London, to be compulsory rather than illegal. And I never miss an opportunity to bawl the above phrase at the car in question if the fucker has a window open. So I’m overjoyed to read that as of next week drivers flouting this law will face stiffer penalties.

The other one that gets me is failing to use your indicators. I realise that this one is a bit more specific to me, because of a specific road that I cross twice a day. Just outside South Woodford tube station, on the south side, there is a viaduct out of which drivers pass at a fairly regular rate. These drivers all turn left, because they are turning onto Mulberry Way, which is a one-way street, but many of them then take the next right, down Daisy Road, and down onto the A113.

99% of these drivers, in my experience, indicate to turn left out of the viaduct. However only about 50% of them switch their indicator to right in order to proceed into Daisy Road. Why? Just because it’s almost opposite the viaduct, you’re still turning, and you still need to communicate this to pedestrians and other road users, you fucks.

If I’m standing there waiting to cross Daisy Road, I watch the cars coming and focus on the right-hand indicator. If it’s not flashing, I step out. On occasion, I’ve been beeped by cockwits coming down Daisy Road who simply didn’t bother to indicate, and this is the second instance of Divine Vocal Justice Dispensation that I practice. In this situation I turn and bellow “Indicator broken, is it arsehole?”

They’re arseholes and they have to be told.

And no, by the way, I never ever use my mobile while driving.

–c.

You know it’s one of those days at work when you have Miles Davis’ “Kind Of Blue” on repeat just so you can concentrate.

God bless you, Miles.

–c.

Had a couple of spare credits lying around at mp3stor.com. Grabbed a few cover versions from some movie soundtracks. Was somehow reminded of William Shatner’s version of Pulp’s “Common People”. Found it. Discovered it’s on an album called “Has Been”. Bought it.

Best fucking album I’ve heard in a long time. No shit. No kidding. No guff, Chet.

Standout tracks: You’ll Have Time, I Can’t Get Behind That, Has Been.

Give it a try – I guarantee you haven’t heard anything like it. And once you listen to a track or two and get over the initially ridiculous delivery, you will discover a great album.

Wow. I really wasn’t expecting that.
–c.

They’re like buses. Yes, really.

Waiting a year, then 2 at once.

Yes, really.

–c.

If you’re anything like me – and I know I am – then you love finding a new webcomic that i) makes you laugh, and ii) has a huge archive to be devoured.

I give you the Order of the Stick!

And if you’re wondering about the title, it’s in #20. You’ll love it.

–c.

This makes me very happy indeed.

–c.

…I forgot to mention.

Dear Americans (and others, but in this case I’m specifically talking to you, you bunch of xenophobic knuckledragging COCKWIPES),

If you’re a Scientologist, you are also a FUCKING MORON.

Thank you.
–c, awaiting extradition.

As an example of the previously mentioned Wiki Wandering, I give you:

“The T-34 Tank to Alexei Sayle, in 9 moves.”

T-34 (clicked on from the Wikipedia front page) links to World War II, which links to Adolf Hitler (duh), which links to Friedrich Nietzsche, which links to Sigmund Freud, which links to cocaine (he was mad for it), which links to Cocaine (song), which links to Eric Clapton, which links to The Secret Policeman’s Other Ball, which links to Alexei Sayle.

Have I learnt anything? Maybe. Did I enjoy my last ten minutes? Definitely.
–c.